Forgivenes it is.
Corresponding post here.
May be I just don’t agree with the general idea of ‘forgiveness’ that is out there. Or may be I am such a know it all, and I just think that I can describe it better….whatever message I am trying to convey.
Some say that forgiveness is about letting go.
Some say it is about laying down the burden to have more light in life.
Some explain that it is not about saying it is ok that things happened, but forgiveness is about making a decision to no longer be drugged down by your unpleasant experience.
“Forgiveness gives you wings” is a line from Dr Robert Holden. He teaches that it is about setting yourself free.
There are phrases like ‘forgive and forget.’
And people say that you must first forgive yourself, and then you can forgive another.
And then I hear myself say, there is more to it.
If forgiveness was all about leaving the unpleasant behind and begin looking for more beauty in life, you will never learn anything. There are people who do wrong things, and you will always find one or two of those wherever you go in life. No matter how far you travel, you will always find the unpleasant catch up. And if you keep smiling and moving away from it, you will probably have a very restless life.
If forgiveness was about understanding the wrong and unconditionally accepting them as a part of life, what is wrong will find its own place and keep feeding off your supply. You just taught the wrong-doer that it is ok to behave like that.
If you forgive and forget, then you will most probably walk into the same problem again in the future. You can’t just forget about it.
If you understand the situation in which something had gone wrong, it makes just one of you. The source of the problem is so often oblivious to your injury and guess what, the problem will repeat.
In the process of forgiveness, you need to be heard that ‘it hurt’. You need to say ‘never again’. You need to know what it was that had hurt you. You need to know if it was a genuine mistake or the one that was only waiting to happen. You need to draw a line. If you have not yet learned to draw a line, then you can start learning right there. And every now and then, you realise that it is a group of wrongs not an individual standing in your way. If that ever happens, you just shoot out a few curse words and get ready to draw a more visible line; thicker, brighter and possibly with a hint of purple in it.
Forgiveness does not turn your back to your enemy. It is the power that glows out of your gut, so strong that you can square at your enemy and make him shrink to bits. You don’t need to raise your arm. You just need to go get yourself together.
Forgiveness is something that teaches you strength. It is not about some fancy weapons you carry, but the real strength as a person and what is in your core. You often see such strength through another’s eyes, or it sometimes look like they are walking around wearing a layer of bright light. People will talk whatever they will, but they can no longer mess with you in your face. And when you realise that your bully has turned into a mere coward, you are no longer the injured. Sometimes it is on the other side of an emotion. Some of us need to get angry enough to say the magic word, ‘enough’. Some of us need to feel the sadness to find a ground. However it may come, on the other side of the storm, there it is; the stillness where you are not fearful nor afraid.
What is missing in a scene of injury is so often that each person has forgotten that the other is also a living creature. The oppressor does not remember that the other person has his own life, belief, dream, and an ability to get hurt. The injured did not remember that his opponent is also an imperfect human and so he too has a moment, sometime a very loooooong moment, of wrong; which could very well go for the rest of his life.
We are so often living our life in some kind of automatic mode or another. We have our eyes open and we can see, but we are not really looking. We can hear but we are not listening. We sense that something is out of order but we have learned to not take care of such small things; because we are busy and committed to ‘succeed’.
But here is a slightly brighter side to it. When we are living in the moment, we recognise others that are not.
I don’t think many of us can harm another while being in the moment. It just doesn’t happen. You can almost literally see a life in another when you are well dignified within. And that life is the same as what is in you. Human or not, all living creatures have a life each, and that is just how it is.
If we managed to figured out how to get the oppressors to experience what is really in front of them, I optimistically suspect that we will eliminate crimes. Theory is always the easiest part. And I don’t have a slightest clue as in how this is supposed to happen. But the thing is, we each can chose to spend more of our time with mindfulness. A peaceful heart does affect another at the level of electromagnetic field. And if we could each influence just one person a day with our peace, somethings may change, just may be.